When you are having trouble with your marriage, it is easy to blame the other partner. It is important to realize that in any marriage, it takes two people to make it work. While you might begin marriage counseling with the hope that your partner will change, breaking through your own personal trauma will be the catalyst that makes your marriage work for you.
Trauma Manifests Itself in Many Ways
All people bring strengths and weaknesses to a marriage. Unresolved trauma from the past can cause a number of problems within a marriage. Trauma can make one spouse unable to enjoy sex, have difficulty trusting the other, or not give 100% to the relationship. Some trauma survivors will seek out counselors who they will continue the pattern of unresolved trauma with. Working through personal trauma will help you bring your authentic self to your marriage.
Codependency Issues Cause Marital Discord
Most people show some signs of codependent characteristics. This is when codependency is the ruling authority in a person's emotional state, that codependency causes marital problems. People who suffer from codependency often feel that others are responsible for their emotional state. They place their happiness in the hands of their spouse, and their emotions are easily controlled by the actions of their spouse. Codependent tendencies are often the result of a traumatic, dysfunctional childhood.
Take Responsibility for Yourself
The only person you have control over is yourself. Your reactions to your spouse, your acceptance of your situation and how you handle difficulties are all in your own control. When you take responsibility for yourself, you will stop blaming your spouse for problems that you have. Part of marriage counseling is becoming a stronger person so that you can bring an equal partner to your marriage. While it isn't always easy to realize that your partner is not to blame for all of your issues, it is a necessary part of successful couples therapy.
If you find yourself in the middle of a marriage you can no longer tolerate, it's time to take a hard look at what makes your marriage dysfunctional. With a good marriage counselor, you will be able to look at your past personal trauma and see how this trauma affects your marriage. When you are able to work through your past, you will be a stronger, more available partner to your spouse.
When you work hard to let marriage counseling change you, you will be surprised by the results. Visit a marriage counseling center like Malan Relationship Health for help today.